Mad Brew Labs

Roleplaying Philosophy Series:

• RPP-000: RPG Theory Bibliography
• RPP-099: Mad Brew’s Gaming Philosophy
• RPP-100: Defining Game
• RPP-101: Defining Roleplaying Games
• RPP-310: Roleplaying Promotes Wellbeing
• RPP-399: 10 Reasons to Play Games at the Table
• RPP-401: RPG Community
• RPP-450: Roleplaying is a Pastime
• RPP-499: Gamer Elitism

I want to start a series on the Philosophy of Roleplaying, where I explore the different styles of play and system mechanics that support them.  But before we delve into higher level academic pursuits, I think we need a remedial course.  This essay is about gamer elitism, its origins, and why it should be eliminated.

Of Munchkins & Elitists

I am always surprised at the amount of elitism within our hobby of Roleplaying.  Our culture is permeated with terms such as twink, munchkin, power-gamer, 3etard, and 4ucktard (ok, so the last term is of my own invention).  Given the propensity for people outside the hobby to dismiss us as immature practitioners of childish games at best or to condemn, castigate, and persecute us for our sins at worse, one would think we would not censure our own brethren.  But we do (and the reactions of outsiders may actually prompt such behavior, but that is a topic for another article).

I need to admit that I am also guilty of being an elitist; my rant on World of Darkness LARPs being evidence as such.  I have definitely developed a stringent definition of what I consider the best method or style of play.  What I need to remember is that is only my assessment of what is best and it may not, and should not, apply to everyone.  Better yet, I should take this philosophy and apply it beyond just roleplaying (well, I doubt I will ever change my opinions that organized religion and any genre of music but metal suck a large phallus).

I hold no illusions that this little essay on gamer elitism will change the deep-rooted views of the roleplaying fundamentalist out there, any more than I could convince religious zealots of their misconceptions.  Nevertheless, I am going to expound upon the subject if for anything else, to improve my own understanding.

Learning to Play

A while back, I read an article on Lamentations of the Flame Princess about  James’ (the blog’s author) take on the how and why Dungeons & Dragons is played the way it is and the stereotypes that have been assigned to the venerable game over time.  Much of what James had to say hit home with me.

What I took from James’ article, “Is this how D&D is supposed to be played?” is that in the 80s a large number of players entered into the hobby because they picked up Dungeons & Dragons at their local toy/hobby store and got with their friends and began playing this cool new game.  The problem was that all these players were islands unto themselves and learned how to play using modules, which were adventures meant to be plugged into an existing campaign.

There were not any mentors, or forums, much less an internet, to guide these young players.  They focused on the mechanics because they were new, and they needed to be able to survive these adventure modules.  So these new players would hack their way through dungeons, take the loot, and level up.  And they had a blast, because it is new.

I can totally relate to his experience.  I started gaming in the late eighties and while my first game may have been under more experienced (but not by much) players, every game after that was an exploration of the hobby.  I remember ordering a few books from a Wargames West (now out of business) catalog back in the day.  I even had to sneak a money order purchase from the local Hooks RX (also out of business) with squirreled away birthday money because my mother didn’t seem to approve of the hobby (either that or the friends I played with, meh).

I read and re-read those books over and over again.  We thought we had the game nailed and we were the pinnacle of roleplaying, but we found out much later that there were many things we did wrong, at least in the eyes of rules when read as written.  I don’t give a damn, because we had a hell of a time doing it “wrong.”  I think that a lot of my nostalgia centers on the discovery of this wonderful hobby of ours.  Learning how to play was an adventure in and by itself.

But now we have a stereotype that D&D is nothing more but 10×10 dungeon rooms filled with orcs and goblins that need some mighty slashing so you can get the gold and XP.  Of course, the simplicity (which is not a bad thing) of the hack’n'slash style of game eventually loses its luster for many gamers.  And so began the evolution of RPGs as publishers tried to meet the needs of gamers looking for something different.

Evolution of RPGs

As you are aware, the modern roleplaying game has its roots in traditional wargaming, with Braunstein being credited as the first RPG.  What?  You say you don’t have a clue about this Braunstein?  Well I fully recommend this enlightening article from Ars Ludi on the roots of roleplaying games.  In fact, you must read it before continuing here, I’ll wait.

Welcome back, I knew you would like that hidden piece of RPG history.  So now you know how Dave Arneson was influenced to start Blackmoor, and all those story-gamers or narrativists thought they were trailblazing.  Arneson paved the way a LONG time ago.  Then Gary Gygax came along married his Chainmail mechanics with Arneson’s setting and that is how we got Dungeons & Dragons.

Now as gamers try to achieve that level of fun they remember having when they first began roleplaying, they begin to look for game systems that push the envelope of known playing style.  The publishers start answering this demand and new games are delivered into the hands of hungry gamers.  Two trends in gaming appeared to assuage these new gamer cravings.

On one hand, there was a trend to create gritty, more realistic mechanics.  This led to the design of systems like Rolemaster where combat became less abstracted and action resolution depends on cross referencing dice results, usually percentile based, with numerous detailed tables.  Other “rules-heavy” games included HârnMaster, RuneQuest, and Traveller (in the context of using tables for character generation at least).

But there was another trend to produce rules-light, narrative systems.  This led to the creation of games like Paranoia, Amber Diceless, and Dragonlance the Fifth Age.  These games have very simple and streamlined mechanics that may not even need dice.  The emphasis is placed upon the story and player narration.

So the elitist roleplayer, needing to prove his superiority within our grand hobby, will cling to the extremes associated with his new preference and ridicule fellow gamers about their choice of game and style.  These gamers have forgotten their roots.

Revolution of Play

I think that most gamers do not evolve.  The term evolve tends to imply a linear progression from primitive (awful) to advanced (awesome).  This idea does not sit well with me because it means that everything a gamer did before he got to the point where he is at is somehow bad.  Hence, gamer elitism.

We are ever trying to reclaim that initial sense of fun and excitement we remember from our introduction into the hobby.  The problem is that our memory of fun is tinted with nostalgia.  We do not have the same perspectives and expectations we had when we started five, ten, twenty years ago.  So we become disgusted with the “old” stuff and embrace the “new” stuff.  Some of us become pretentious pricks who view all who hold onto the “old” stuff as inferior gamers.

However, I think that most gamers revolve.  In the elusive hunt for the fun factor, we sample other styles of play.  We may chew on the gritty crunch, sip on romantic fluff, or both, but eventually we always find our way back to where we began, and that is usually a middle of the road game like Dungeons & Dragons or the World of Darkness.

Keep This in Mind

What you should take away from this essay is that each gamer you meet will probably have different expectations of what roleplaying is and which game systems meet their needs.  Their choice is not inferior to yours and your style of play is not the one true path of enlightenment.  I urge you to try new styles of play, revisit old ones, and offer to show the initiated your preferred style, but just let them know your vehicle isn’t the only one in the garage and their mileage may vary.

We need to nurture the roleplaying community, not fracture it.

Listening to: Metallica - Death Magnetic - The Day That Never Comes

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There are a few things I need to inform my readers about, a correction on pricing for AO and I wanted to plug (hey this is my blog after all) a collaboration between Jonathan (The Core Mechanic), gamefiend (At-Will), and myself.

Alpha Omega Pricing Correction

I knew I should have taken a closer look at pricing options for the overview of Alpha Omega I did last week.  I had said the suggested retail price of the book was around $55, but Tom Tom McLaughlin of Mind Storm Labs commented that book is actually available for $44.95, and if you happen to be an Atomic Array listener, you can score a copy for $15 dollars less than that.  Which makes this 400 page behemoth only $29.95 if you do the math!  So now you have absolutely no excuse NOT to buy it!  DO IT.

Skill Challenges of War Collab

So if you happened to have missed The Core Mechanic the last week or so, then you haven’t seen the excellent series on how to run a war with skill challenges in your 4e D&D (or any d20 game for that matter).  Jonathan asked me and, the RPG Blogosphere’s resident skill challenge expert, gamefiend to co-author the series with him.

I can honestly say that collaborating with fellow bloggera has forced me to raise the bar on quality and I think this is probably some of my best “work” and will be considered so for a long time.  If you are looking for some new and innovative skill challenges to add to your campaign you need to check these posts out:

• Part 1 – The Concept
• Part 2 – Complexities of War
• Part 3 – Skill Challenge: Diplomatic Mission Reconnaissance
• Part 4 – Skill Challenge: Rally the Troops!
• Part 5 – Skill Challenge: …The Body will Die

While most of the work is complete, the series has not been published in its entirety yet, so make sure you keep an eye on The Core Mechanic during the next week or so.  This thing is shaping up to be a 10+ part series!  And if war is not an element, be sure to check At-Will for more skill challenges.

Listening to: Motorhead - Ace of Spades Collection - Ace of Spades

gamingD&Dd20rpgroleplayingdungeons and dragonsalpha omega

Mind Storm Labs‘ Alpha Omega, or AO, is a new RPG that debuted before GenCon ’08.  Mind Storm Labs and its fresh new game were nominated for three Ennie awards for Best Interior Art, Best Production Values, and Best Publisher.

In the public voting, I voted for it for best production value, just judging from a small sample.  After receiving the thick, horizontal format (akin to the height and width ration of a widescreen monitor) book in the mail, I see that my vote was well placed.  The art and graphic design employed on the book is phenomenal.  If you check out their website, you will find more of the same production value there.

The coolest feature of the graphic design includes a navbar on the outside of the pages that highlights section icons and section numbers, making navigation fairly easy.  It brings a web designer mentality to book navigation.  The only thing I wish it had is an index and page numbers, but the table of contents is pretty thorough.

So, Mind Storm Labs certainly invested in the eye candy, but did they set the same bar for the actual development of the game?  That was what I had wondered when I initially visited their booth at GenCon.

I wish I had taken note of the representative who I had spoke with to get a general idea of the game, cause it might have very well been one of the two developers, David Carter or Earl Fischl.  Or maybe it could have been Tom McLaughlin who was the person kind enough to hook me up with a copy of the game for review.

So does Alpha Omega bring an “A” game to the table?  I think so.  I will say that I had to make a significant investment of time to take full advantage of the mechanics.  The time invested was not unbearable though.  This investment is somewhat mitigated by the fact that the game was developed in layers of complexity that can be removed or added as necessary.  So you can build off the core as you become more familiar.

Character Creation

The game uses a point buy character creation model, offering a choice of ten races including the versatile human, artificially intelligent androids, and the angelic and demonic looking Nephilim who are the offspring of aliens and humans.  Characters have seven attributes or ability scores which are called Core Qualities in AO.  These scores have minimum and maximum values based upon race.  Then you have Secondary and Tertiary Qualities that are calculated using the values of the Core Qualities.

Character creation is expanded by using Abilities and Drawbacks (think Merits and Flaws, or Feats), Genetic Deviations, Skills, and Wielding (AO’s version of magic).  Since there are no classes or archetypes, players are free to develop whatever characters they want.  This is something I value greatly.

Game Mechanics

The rule mechanics for Alpha Omega is called the 6-6 System.  This stands for the six, one second segments that comprise a combat cycle and the maximum six dice in his dice pool that a player may roll to resolve actions during that combat cycle.  The size of the dice that can be rolled scales with character development, beginning with a majority of d4s and one or two d6s all the way up to d20s.

The more developed a character, the more segments he or she may act in.  The player only gets one dice pool, which he may spend all at once or over the course of multiple segments.  Also, depending on the situation, the player upgrade his dice pool with higher sided dice, or be penalized with lower sided dice.  Your dice pool is determined by the key Core Quality for the action you are taking.

Setting

In my personal opinion, the best part of Alpha Omega is the setting.  In the world of AO, the Earth finally fought back against all the damn humanity that has been destroying for centuries.  Earthquakes, volcanoes, typhoons, and aberrant weather wreak havoc upon the face of the earth.  Follow this upon with the mutually assured annihilation of nuclear-biological-chemical war and six years of comet debris raining death and devastation.

So humans pulled back into the safety of cities, letting the rural parts return to the elemental wild.  Years of exposure to the chemicals, radiation, and biological weapons the war and the strange alien influence of the comets have caused wild mutations in the wildlife and some of humanity, bringing new species.  Remnants, the descendents of humans left to the mutations of the wild.  Necrosi are the descendents of humans who fled underground but were mutated by radiation from the comets.

While the world outside were running wild, the cities built up into massive self-contain super structures called arcologies.  These structures soar several kilometers into the sky.  It is within these arcologies that technology grew by leaps and bounds, allowing humans to thrive.  Now these mega-cities struggle against each other for control of resources in the wild, also known as Freezones.

This backdrop is interesting enough, but AO also adds an element of alien scheming and influence in the presence of two alien races: the angelic appearing Seraph and the Ophanum, of demonic countenance.  These two races are at war with each other and every thousand years they use Earth as a battleground.

Some of these aliens bred with humans, birthing the Nephilim.  The Seraph, Ophanum, Nephilim, and the Grigori (servants of the Seraph and Ophanum) are known as the Evolutionaries.  The Evolutionaries only revealed themselves in the last couple of centuries, which sets the stage for the impending alien war coming to Earth.  All that is left is to choose sides.

Online Community

Has developed the Alpha Omega Players’ Community, which is a forum based website that looks very active.  You can find gaming group, look into Cons and Event stuff, find out about the official managed campaign, and participate in general discussion.

I don’t know if I have seen a publisher go to the lengths Mind Storm Labs has to ensure fans have access to resources to make community content.  AO provide a fan kit on their homepage that includes images and assets from that snazzy piece of eye candy that is their website.  Some of which I have used in this article.

They also created the New World Science and Engineering Commission (NWSEC), a wiki set in the AO universe where players can submit their own “discoveries.”  Players can submit new creatures, weapons, gear, and locations.  In fact Mind Storm Labs recently completed a contest that where they chose the five best creatures to be included in their bestiary supplement, The Encountered.  The best part is that is all “in character.”  Pretty slick.

Impressions

If you want a game that brings a fresh perspective on the Sci-Fi RPG, I definitely recommend you give Alpha Omega a whirl.  It only requires one book, which while more pricey than the current average cost for a core book (EDIT: MSRP $44.95), you only need one, instead of two or three. Note: Atomic Array listeners get a $15 discount, which makes the price $29.95! Which makes this RPG a MUST HAVE!

When combined with the strong, player-driven online community that Mind Storm Labs has built, this game could provide many hours of enjoyable roleplay.  While it is far too early for me to render a final verdict, Alpha Omega is still young and if it perseveres, it could shape up to be a major contender.

Want to learn more about Alpha Omega? Read on…

• Atomic Array: Episode 012: Alpha Omega
• Gamer Dome: Interview with Roger Traffler of the NWSEC
• Gnome Stew: Alpha Omega: How to GM this New RPG
• RPGAggression: Rudis Review: Alpha Omega
• Mind Storm Labs: Previews of AO Products

Special Offer from Atomic Array: $15 off Alpha Omega when you enter the coupon code “Atomic” during purchase. Drop by Mind Storm Labs to pick up your copy today!

Listening to: Android Lust - Evolution – Suffer the Flesh

gamingD&Drpgroleplayingreviewalpha omega

I walk through the door and my olfactory sense is suddenly assaulted by the acrid odor of cat urine, but it quickly subsides, probably due to the fact that my olfactory epithelium has just melted and is pouring out my nose.  I follow a narrow trail through trash, debris, and what must be discarded science projects, judging by the green and white fur that is growing upon (Petri?) dishes hidden under and piled atop the furniture.  I arrive at the gaming table, err, gaming ottoman, where the cereal box battlemap (obviously drawn by a first grader) rests.

I sit upon the floor, because the sofa is being held hostage by soiled underwear and the cat whose urine greeted me at the door.  I retrieve my character sheet, dice bag, and pencil only to find out that I must use the DM provided pre-gen, because the adventure is basically a railroad where I am forced to do the actions that DM tells me to do.  What is worse, no one else owns their own dice, so mine end up being the community dice pool, and I still don’t know what happened to my metal d20.

I wake up in my bed, drenched in sweat over my nightmare, then I catch the scent of cat urine emanating from my clothes in the hamper two feet away…

This month’s RPG Blog Carnival topic, hosted by Critical-Hits, is Transitions & Transformations.  The above has actually happened to me, though it is actually an amalgam of several different events.  So, I want to write about the trepidations of finding new gamers, because I might be on the prowl for a group closer to home.

My current gaming group has nearly died, but I think it is being reborn from the ashes.  The Great Edition Schism brought my group to its knees as the 3.x D&D grognards railed against the adopters and proponents of the 4^th Edition of D&D.

I have been in self exile for a while now as I strove to manage the costs of overpriced gasoline, quality time with my wife and daughter, and the seemingly eternal maintenance that comes from being a home-owner.  While I watched the gaming group fall apart from afar, I thought about finding a new group, or at least forming a new group closer to home.

So what is a solitary RPG gamer to do?  Well some of the tools I am aware of include local gaming forums, publisher forums, MeetUp, ENWorld’s locater, RPG Life’s locator, and of course my FLGS (Friendly Local Gaming Store for the uninitiated).  So I could probably find people…

But the question is will these strangers be up to snuff?  Can they be an adequate replacement to my current (previous?) group?  The answer to latter question is obvious, no.  There is no way in hell a group can replace another group.  Every group brings different perspectives, experience, and baggage with them to the table, so the experience is going to be different.  The real question is am I willing to try different?

You see the problem is that I am often perceived as being an asshole.  I tend to be blunt and I am direct.  So if I do not like something, I say so, to your face.  I am not usually cruel about it (though I can be), I’m just honest.  I expect the same thing from others.  You don’t like something I’m doing?  Let me know and perhaps I will modify my behavior (except for being blunt, if you do not like that, tough shit).  So if being honest, direct, and skipping all the politically correctness is being an asshole, then guilty as charged.

I am also accused of having high expectations that are too high (an elitist?).  Indeed, as I grow older I continue to raise the bar (for myself as well as what I expect from others).  Is this bad?  Perhaps it is why I am often disappointed.

So back to the question, am I willing to try different?  I’m willing to try different gaming systems, different styles of play, but I don’t know about different personalities at the table.  The next question is if I am willing to sit with new people at the gaming table, are they going to be able to handle me?  I’ve never been banned from a gaming group, unless MUDs count (if so, then once).

My need to game will eventually win out over my unwillingness to try different.  So if my gaming group implodes, or the cost involved is too much to travel to game with them, then I need to modify my perception of people and learn to ignore things that usually irritate me.  Something that is easier said than done.

Well that is my current dilemma and my thoughts on the subject.  I also comprised a few questions that would help find the right group if or when I begin searching.

How well should I know the members of the group?

I think I need to know the preferred style of play of the group (role vs. roll, fantasy vs. sci-fi, more social vs. more serious).  Knowing what refreshments, if any, are usually found on the gaming table is good.  I would also like to know what pet peeves the group possesses (and if they commit any of mine).  Also, are there any topics that members become easily offended or upset over (religion, politics, starving African children)?

How long does it take to get the full impression of a gaming group?

Speaking from experience, you’ll never truly know someone until you have spent years together and experienced high stress situations together.  I’m not talking about interpersonal drama bullshit.  I am talking about when people have to make choices that put their comrades’ lives at stake.  But in order to learn most of the details discussed above, I think about three to four gaming sessions would give a complete picture.

What gaming systems does the group utilize?

This is important, because I may not really be into Rifts.  If the group uses a system which has third party publishers, what content is allowed?  Do they limit it to just the core books?

What is their experience level?

I am not speaking about their character levels, though that is also nice to know.  I am talking about how well they understand their chosen system(s).  How long have they used the system(s)?  Have they ever tried different systems and which ones?

What house rules do they use?

Do they ignore or limit certain mechanics?  Have they modified the system or created completely new mechanics?  Do they substitute d12s for d4s (because dodecahedrons need lovin’ too)?

Where do they play and what are the expectations?

Does the group play in Mike’s basement, Bruce’s attic, or Will’s van?   Do I take my shoes off at the door?  Food and drinks are allowed where?  No cursing because of the children.  Is smoking banned or will I be sitting in a cloud of cancer?

I am sure I will think of ten more questions I would need to answer to be able to decide on the group.  The main thing is can I like these guys and gals?  I refuse to play with someone I do not like.  I figure if I posted an ad at the FLGS, it would look something like this:

Fat Asshole in Need of Gaming Group

MUST BE:

• Be local
• Non smokers (or at least outside-smokers)
• Clean
• Interesting
• Social
• Open to new systems
• Possessing senses of humor
• FUN

DON’T BE:

• Covered in pet hair, urine, etc.
• Dumb
• Religious Zealots
• D&D players w/o a battlemap
• Creepy
• Stinky
• Drug Addicts
• Extreme (as in gaming style)

Listening to: Probot - Probot – Shake Your Blood

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This is the conclusion to my three part series on RPG Blogging Tools.  In this installment I provide some basic writing advice, point you to the advice of the experts, and then show you how I set my WordPress blog up.  The rest of the series can be found here:

• RPG Blogging Tools I: Intro, Hosting, & Platform
• RPG Blogging Tools II: Promotion & Measurement

Writing Tips

There are a lot of resources out there that can improve your writing.  In fact, there are thousands of books and websites devoted to the topic.  In my opinion, the best way to improve your writing is by writing.  The more you write, the quicker you will develop your own style and the more consistent your writing will become.

The Basics

I see RPG Blogging as a mixture of editorial, journalistic, and creative writing, and so certain approaches to writing in this medium work better than others.  I have said before that the best thing a blogger can do is write new, quality content on a regular basis.  “Content is King” is a catchphrase constantly heard in the realm of blogging.

But before anyone will read your amazing article on the history of the icosahedron as a gaming device, you are going to need draw the reader’s attention.  This begins with the title.  The title is the gateway to your article, but you are not done there.  You have to entice the reader to read each consecutive sentence.  The first sentence leads to the second, and the second to the third.  Keep this idea in mind when authoring posts.

Keep posts focused on a single topic and each post should fit within the domain of your chosen niche.  Keep in mind the short attention span of web surfers, so break long articles up over several posts.  You’ll find that many sources say the average amount of time the average reader spends on a page is not much longer than a minute and a half (app. 100 seconds).

Make sure your content is readable and easily scanned.  Break up those walls of text into paragraphs and emphasize keywords by changing the font size, color, or style (bolds, italics, & underlines).  Be sure to proof read your content!  I know I easily get disgusted with poor grammar and spelling (and I find mistakes in my own writing ALL the time!).

Keep your content fresh and beware the echo chamber effect.  Echoes happen easily in the RPG blogosphere because the industry is relatively small and when news from the publishers hits the ripples do not need to travel far before ten or twenty blogs regurgitate it.  Your content doesn’t need to be original, and it probably won’t be.  But you can make it unique by applying your perspective and presenting the information in a way not found anywhere else.

Become an expert on of your particular niche.  Do you specialize in OGL d20 games?  Then research the topic daily.  Know the history, current developments, and future projects in the genre.  Become very familiar with the basic rules and what the trends are when changes are made.  Play the games.  Then write about it and before you know it, the community will confer that title upon you.

Be sure to mix up your sources for articles.  This becomes more difficult the more specialized you are (after all, how many publishers and blogs produce content for Live Action Hentai Cyberpunk Cthulhu?).  It is a matter of credibility I think.

Also, ensure you follow general internet etiquette guidelines.  This means obeying Fair Use doctrine for copyrights and trademarks, citing your sources, and avoiding hot-linking (linking directly to an image, .PDF, or other file on someone else’s site).

My final piece of advice is that blogging shouldn’t become a job.  RPGs make us happy and provide countless hours of entertainment.  So writing about them should be fun too!

Advanced Tips

Since I do not consider myself an expert on the topic of blogging and writing tips, I am not going to say much.  What I will do is provide some links to those I do consider experts on the matter and let you expand your knowledge by reading their excellent posts.

ChattyDM

Phil, the Chatty DM, is perhaps one of the most prolific RPG bloggers, and certainly an influential one.  Just after I started blogging myself, he started a series of articles called, “So You Wanna Write a RPG Blog.”  I am sure it still one of his more popular series and he even invited Berin of UncleBear to do a guest post for the series.

• So You Wanna Write a RPG Blog, Part 1: Why
• So You Wanna Write a RPG Blog, Part 2: How
• So You Wanna Write a RPG Blog, Part 3: What
• So You Wanna Write a RPG Blog, Part 4: Who
• So You Wanna Write a RPG Blog, Part 5: Then What
• So You Wanna Write a RPG Blog, Part 6: What Not to Do
• Work Less: Partner with People and Make It, RPG Blog Edition

UncleBear

Berin Kinsman (doesn’t that sound like sci-fi/fantasy hero’s name?) has been a mainstay of the RPG blogosphere since before blog was a word.  He has the oldest blog (12 years old?) I am aware of, so he has a lot of experience.  He continued ChattyDM’s series where it left off with his guest post.

• So You Wanna Write a RPG Blog: One More Don’t
• So You Wanna Be a RPG Blogger: How to Be Prolific
• So You Wanna Be a RPG Blogger: Doing It For Fun
• So You Wanna Be a RPG Blogger: Everyday Inspiration

The Core Mechanic

Jonathan runs The Core Mechanic, and while only starting his RPG blog in July of this year (2008), I would put him the “bloggers to keep an eye on” category.  He initiated the very successful RPG Blog Carnival (for which I was asked to guest blog for his entry, Skill Challenges of War, in this month’s (December ’08) carnival hosted by Critical-Hits.  He is also working on the Open Game Table: The 2008 Anthology of Roleplaying Game Blogs, which should be available early next year!

• Welcome to Carnivalia (+ a few tiny blogger tips)
• Technorati – The State of the Blogosphere 2008
• RPG Blogging – An Analysis

Living Dice

Trask of Living Dice organized the Bloggers Bloodbath tournament this year which featured bloggers battling it out with each other using d20Pro.  I totally kicked ass in this event using a pre-generated character that was an ECL 10 Centaur Ranger with horseshoes of speed, dual wielded scimitars, and a hawk animal companion.  Trask also created RPGSeek, a customized Google search that only indexes RPG Publishers (which should be VERY useful for article research!).

• Running an RPG Blog and Search Engines
• RPGSeek – The RPG Search Engine

Yahuda

Yahuda is/was a professional blogger with a keen interest in boardgames.  In fact, he actually created a pretty nifty collection/auction boardgame called, It’s Alive!.  He is also involved with Purple Pawn, a prolific gaming blog.  In the second linked post from Yahuda, he mentions that swapping links (blogrolls) and site design are things that don’t matter.  This may be the case in his experience, but I think these things do matter.  1) Swapping links is a form of networking, and the more friends you have the better.  2) You only have one chance to make a first impression, so site design can be crucial. EDIT: Yahuda responded to my comment on his post and clarified that he does believe networking is important, but he doesn’t swap links just for the sake of swapping links.

• How I Became a Professional Blogger
• Why I Am Not (But Still Am) a Professional Blogger

Copyblogger

Copyblogger is a blog dedicated to copywriting, which is defined on their site as “the process of writing words that promote a person, business, opinion, or idea, with the ultimate intention of having the reader take some form of action.  Even if that action is a link, bookmark, or a vote at Digg that leads to the traffic you need.”  Ok, so combining wordsmithing with marketing.  There are tons of excellent tips available there, so I will contribute to their bank account by sending more traffic their way.

• Copywriting 101: An Introduction to Copywriting
• Is Blogging Keeping You Poor?

ProBlogger

Problogger is run by Darren Rowse, a guy who makes six digits as a full time blogger.  This site is just one of many he runs and maintains and this one is dedicated to helping people learn the skills of blogging and has over 3500 articles devoted to the art.  When you read any of the “make money with blogging” articles, keep in mind that our particular niche of RPG blogging, has a significantly smaller audience that some other topics (which means significantly smaller revenue).

• Blogging Tips for Beginners
• How to Write Your “About Me” Page

My WordPress Set-up

I figured I would give an overview of my WordPress install and show you how I have customized it to make it my own.  I find the earlier you implement some settings and plug-ins, the less of a headache it is later.  For instance, if you wait until you have 100 posts to install All-In-One SEO, it is going to be a pain in the ass to go back and optimize all your old posts.

If you have any questions about how I accomplished something, feel free to leave your question in the comments and I will either answer it there or, for more complicated issues, I’ll email you.  Keep in mind, I am using WordPress v 2.5 (I know I’m behind the power curve!) but I am getting ready to migrate to the new 2.7 release.

Theme

I shanghaied Design Blog‘s Modern Marvel theme and put it to work on my blog.  I have made some simple adjustments to the theme, such as shrinking the width of the sidebar to allow more room for the content (because content is king!).  I want to make the content area even wider.

I also made the search, category, and tag pages show excerpts instead of full posts to make it easy to browse and find particular articles.  I further modified the excerpts and added a line that listed the tags associated with each post.

I think the next step will be implementing excerpts for all posts after the current article on the main page as well as creating a new banner, for which I finished my new avatar.  I would say it is important to never keep the default design of any theme off the shelf.  Make your blog stand out from the rest!

The key to choosing a theme is to pick one that is readable (no yellow text on white…) and has an easily navigated layout.  A couple of blogs that have excellent themes include Critical-hits and RPGCentric.

Settings

I pretty much kept with the default General settings of the WordPress install (except of course customizing the blog title, tagline, URLs, etc.  I would make sure the if you are allowing members to register, that you set the “New User Default Role” to subscriber so you don’t have just anyone messing with your content..

In the Reading section of the Setting, you can select the number of posts that displays per page.  Your setting depends on whether you write super long articles and have them display as excerpts or full posts.  I would set it so a read doesn’t have to scroll for minutes before reaching the bottom of the page (I think mine are too long!).

In the Discussion section, it is important to note the “Comment Blacklist.”  While this feature seems to only work half the time, this is where I put the full or partial IP addresses of those asshole spam commenters.  Also of note are the avatar settings, I show them and default to Gravatar.

In the Permalinks section you can determine the URL of your posts.  I personally use the day and name option because I like to have that information in the address bar.

Plug-ins

Oh damn, it can be real easy to go nuts with plug-ins, just make sure you back-up your site before you install one.  Installation requires you to unzip the contents of a plug-in into your plug-in directory.  I usually use an FTP client for this (FileZilla).

For traffic analytics, I use CyStats, StatPress, and WordPress.com Stats.  Between these three plug-ins, my server’s traffic analyzer, and Google Analytics I can find out just about anything I need to know about my traffic.

For general stats about my blog, like the number of articles, authors, pages, tags, and comments I use WP-Stats and for my word count I use TD Word Count.

For Search Engine Optimization, I make heavy use of All In One SEO Pack which allows me to customize the title (including separate formats for different page types: category, tags, archive, etc.), keywords, and description of each article.  I made my own robots.txt, but you can use KB Robots or Robots Meta.  And to keep my sitemap up-to-date for Google, I implemented the Google XML Sitemaps plug-in.

Besides using the “Comment Blacklist” setting, I have to say Akismet has done an excellent job of catching spam.  But for the be all, end all of defeating those dumbass serial spammers, you can add the following bit of code to your .htaccess file (usually found in the root of your site):

order allow,deny
deny from 87.118.118.133
deny from 94.102.60.
deny from 193.86.
allow from all

For improving the efficiency of my writing, I added several templates with Post Template.  I like to embed invisible Technorati tags in my posts, so I added them to my template as well as a schema for the “Listening to:” line I put at the end of my articles.  For a quick and clean method (read: standard compliant) of embedding Flash into the site, I use Kimili Flash Embed which adds a nice little button in the post editor.

I have also added tons of social networking and interactive plug-ins.  ShareThis I think is very important because it adds a widget to every post that allows reader to add the page to their favorite social bookmarking sites like StumbleUpon, Digg, and Reddit.  CommentLuv automagically detects the most recent post(s) of a commenter based upon the entered URL and provides a link to it.  This encourages fellow bloggers to comment because it gives them free advertisement.  I have also added WP Ajax Edit to my site to allow users to edit their comment for a short period of time because I know how frustrating it can be to catch bad grammar or spelling errors after you submit your comment.

I also added the MiniMeta Widget so I can instantly navigate to the write, dashboard, and stats pages of the admin section from anywhere on the site.  WP Cumulus is another widget I have added just for the cool factor (it’s the cool spinning “3D” tag cloud).

Coding

I am a programmer, and I like adhering to standards whenever possible.  I have meticulously ensured that my blog validates under XHTML 1.0 Strict as well as being CSS 3 valid.  I even created icons that link to the official validation so anyone can check it.  So if you happen to check the validity of my code and it fails, LET ME KNOW!

Anyways, WordPress uses a combination of SQL, PHP, XHTML, CSS, and JavaScript to eventually arrive at the finished product you see now.  I recommend visiting W3C Schools for help with XHTML and SQL (not that I foresee anyone changing any SQL).  For CSS I also recommend W3C Schools but you also need to check out CSS Zen Garden.  Finally, for general PHP help, we will again visit W3C Schools but for things specific with WordPress I recommend you visit the lessons section of WordPress Codex, especially paying attention to anything about tags.

Listening to: Lollipop Lust Kill - My So Called Knife - Personal Jesus

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Here are some more songs dedicated to the great Elder Evil, Cthulhu!  You can find more at the Cthulhu Hymnal!

Give Me That Old Time Religion

We’ll bow down to Great Cthulu
He’s cold, and mean, and cruel, too
He doesn’t want to rule you
He just wants your soul

To the tune of the Tiny Toon Adventures theme song

We’re slimy, we’re squishy, we’re all a little fishy,
You humans are delishy and we’re feasting on your brains!

We’re abysmal creatures, with gross horrific features -
Against Cthulhoid cult preachers the good guys go insane!

So here’s Miskatonic U where all the creatures dwell.
Take a look at a mythos book and find yourself in hell!

Your guns aren’t defective – they just aren’tective.
Our feast of human flesh and souls is tasting swell!

Your magic and voodoo will not stop great Cthulhu;
Don’t eat with the Tchoo Tchoo; the Migo steal your brain!

Here’s Narly, Tsathoggua, and over there’s Cthuga.
Don’t forget Ithaqqua, and Hastur hates his name!

So here’s dread R’lyeh where the angles a wrong.
You’ll lose your soul and go insane if you stay here too long!

We’re slimy, we’re squishy, we’re all a little fishy.
Our feast of human flesh and souls is gonna start!

And now we’ll eat your heart.

Mi-Go

To the tune of “Mammal” by They Might be Giants (used w/o permission, of course…) lyrics by Bill Keyes.

Chitin shell,
Standing in between extinction in the cold
And explosive radiating growth.
So the ichor flows
Through the large membrainous wings.
Carrying the very strange brain-cylinders that they have.

Mi-Go, Mi-Go (Mi-Go, Mi-Go)
Their nlaw.
The wings, the things,
Ugly and mean,
Fungoid and green.

One of us might lose his mind,
When he’s reminded that they once were here,
From the Mezozoic era, to the cold high Himalayas.
So the ichor flows
Through the large membrainous wings.
Speaking in the very strange high pitched insect buzzing noise.

Mi-Go, Mi-Go
Their names are called,claw.
The wings, the things,
Ugly and mean,
Fungoid and green.

Azothoth the father of its sister Shub-Niggurath.
Their cousin called Yog-Sothoth,
Sleeping uncle Great Cthulhu.

Mi-Go, Mi-Go
Their names are called,
They raise a claw.
The wings, the things,
Ugly and mean,
Fungoid and green.
The Ghast, the ghoul,
Deep One, and Dhole,
Byakhee, Elder Thing.

LIKE AZATHOTH

To the tune of “like a virgin”.

I made it through the Hounds
Somehow I made it through
Way out from Tindalos
Until the Act was one

I was lost, and alone
I was deaf, neither could I see
And it made me grow
Yes it made me grow
Exponentially

CHORUS:
Like Azathoth
Here since the very First Time
Like Azathoth
Overboiling, dumb and blind

Gonna crush all
From the Universe’s center
A Nuclear Chaos broadcast

You’re so fine, and you’re mine
Since the Beginning of the Time
Oh, your organs sprout out
Yes, your organs sprout out
‘Cause my gravity’s so high

CHORUS

You’re so fine, and you’re mine
I am the Sultan of Demons
And you make me feel
Yeah you make me feel
Nothing at all

CHORUS

Like Azathoth, ooh, ooh
Like Azathoth
Feels so good inside
When they’re piping, and they’re yelling, and we’re shaking

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Ooh, baby
Can’t you feel my mass pulse
Since the very First Time

To the theme of the Beverly Hillbillies

Well, let me tell you a little story ’bout a migo named ‘Fred’.
A poor mountain miner, barely kept his fungi fed.
And then one day when he was scooping out a brain…
Along came an ooze that popped right out of the drain.
Shoggoth that is, Elder Thing goo, R’lyeh tea.
Well next thing you know ‘ole Fred got swallowed whole,
the other migo turned and said “That thing just got Fred’s soul!”
They all pulled out their shiny guns and aimed it at the slime..
But the shoggoth ate them one and all in record setting time..

Sung to the tune of Camptown Races
Who’s the Elder God we fear?
Cthulhu, Cthulhu!
Who sleeps on from year to year?
Cthulhu is his name.
Going to pray all night
Going to chant all day
‘Til he rises from the ocean floor
Then we will run away!

To the tune of “Octopus’ Garden” (The Beatles)

I’d hate to play under R’leyh
in big Cthulhu’s garden in a cave.
H know where we’d been
in his big Cthulhu garden in a cave.
I’d hate my friends to come and see big ol’
Cthulhu’s garden with me.

I’d hate to play under R’leyh
in big Cthulhu’s garden in a cave.
He’d keep us whole, just eat our soul
in his monstrous hideaway beneath the waves.
Keeping us loose, hanged in a noose
in big Cthulhu’s garden in a cave.
We would scream and shout out loud,
’cause we know we’ll never be found.

I’d hate to play under R’leyh
in big Cthulhu’s garden in a cave.
We would shout and flounder about
the tentacles beneath the ocean waves.
Oh what fear for every little dear,
knowing their minds are gone away.
We would be there to tell us what to do.

I’d hate to play under R’leyh
in big Cthulhu’s garden with you.

To the tune of “Cecilia” (Simon & Garfunkel)

CHORUS:
Cthulhu, you’re breaking my mind.
My sanity’s vanishing daily!
Oh, Cthulhu, I’m down on my knees
I’m begging you, please — go away,
Go away!

I picked up this ancient book
By some guy named Abdul Al-Haz’red (Al-Haz’red)
Read two chapters; now it seems
You’re disturbing my days and you’re haunting my dreams.

CHORUS

Half-awake in the early morn
With my lover sleeping by my side (by my side)
When I feel a nameless dread
And I turn on the light, I find g out in the afternoon
In a room at Miskatonic U (hiding out)
Elder Signs from ceiling to floor,
And there’s star-stones to block off the windows and door.

Consternation! He’s found me again,
I crawl in the closet and shiver.
Consternation! He’s found me again,
I crawl in the closet and shiver…..

Kevin Ingle – Anything I say will be denied.
Learn the chants.

Don’t Go That Way

To the tune of “Achy Breaky Heart” (Billy Ray Cyrus)

It started with a look
In an old and dusty book
Of things we were not really meant to know.
And now I’m running scared
From dread beyond compare
And an invite for being dinner at Tcho Tcho’s!

This house is awf’ly dark
Let’s go back up to the park
But perhaps that isn’t such a good path
The last time I was there,
Do you remember Blair?
He was carried off by Shub-Niggurath!

CHORUS:
Don’t go that way,
I’d rather have you stay
With me in this terrifying dream
But if you go that way
I’ll go the other way
And listen for your distant awful screams, aaaaauugh!

Off tin’ with Voodoo
But I don’t like the sound of that grim song.
Don’t pull out your big gun
I’d really rather run
From people calling evil Chaugnar Faugn.

And now they’re playin’ games
Like ping pong with my brains
Please believe me it’s the truth I’m telling you!
For deep beneath the sea,
In slime and sawing “zees”
Is a huge and ugly Great Cthulhu.

CHORUS:
Don’t go that way
I’d rather have you stay
With me in this terrifying dream
Bgo the other way
And listen for your distant awful screams, aaaaaaugh!

Don’t go that way
How much should I pay
For you not to go down that deep hole
‘Cause I don’t have a rope
And there isn’t that much hope
If you wind up annoying a big dhole, eeeeeeeww!

Don’t go that way
You really ought to stay,
Your safer here of that fact I am sure
But if we decide to stay,
Be careful not to say
The name of the unnamed one called Hastur…

oops.

Your Grey-Tinted ’20s Mind

To the tune of “Green-Tinted ’60s Mind” from Mr. Big’s second album.

It just woke up but its still dead,
Is that the cultists still chanting?
It rips off all of their heads,
Its reachin’ into your dreams,
Down in your heart,
If you say his name,
He’ll tear you all apart.

CHORUS 1:
Professors are screwy
In a 20′s movie
Read the wrong book and die,
Insane legend baby
Try your very best to hide,
Your grey-tinted 20′s mind.

They keep Cthulhu locked away,
But he is always escaping,
But that won’t make him fade away,
He’s reaching into your dreams,
Down in your heart,
If you see him,
It’ll tear your mind apart,

CHORUS 2:
Gotta face R’lyeh,
There is no other way (to),
Get the thoughts out of your mind,
Fill it up with screams,
That’s all that you could seem,
To find….
Your grey-tinted 20′s mind,

(solo)

CHORUS 3:
Hangin’ out with Pickman,
Drawin’ scary stickmen,
Could have escaped if you tried,
Where’s your `loyal’ horse?
Sacrificed of course,
Tonight!
Your grey-tinted 20′s mind.

Listening to: Nine Inch Nails - Broken – Last

gamingD&Dd20rpgroleplayingdungeons and dragonsworld of darknesscthulhu

Pathfinder RPG

My mailbox has been just a little bleaker every month since, oh, August, when Paizo‘s license to publish the venerable Dragon and Dungeon magazines was not renewed.  I am not totally positive what the meetings were like in the offices of Paizo when they found out, but I like to think the loss of the license spurned the great minds there to even greater heights.

The Golem and the gang created instant classics with their Pathfinder Adventure Paths, which you can subscribe to, filling that empty void in your mailbox.  That’s right, a 96 page, perfect bound, full color dose of fantastic adventure every month.  And you can hold it your hands (though you can also download the PDF); there is no replacement for the tangibility of purchased goods.

The subscription model seems to be working very well for Paizo, because they offer four different product lines (including the Adventure Paths) in monthly or bi-monthly installments.  Pathfinder Modules are a series of one shot adventures categorized by the type of adventure they present (dungeon, event, journey, urban, wilderness).  Pathfinder Companion is a 32 page bi-monthly resource that explores a major theme from the Pathfinder Chronicles campaign setting, providing new character options, expanded gazetteers, and organization overviews.  Pathfinder Chronicles provides supplements that explore the various locations in the Pathfinder campaign setting.

Considering the quality of the adventures they are producing, that is a pretty aggressive release schedule!  I should also note that you can purchase the items individually as well, which is good, because with the economy heading for the Second Great Depression, not everyone can afford all the RPG goodness Paizo has to offer (though you do get a %15 discount on other Paizo products as a subscriber).

The Pathfinder line of RPG materials are all compatible with D&D 3.5, meaning all those die-hard d20 fans that find 4e disappointing (or worse) can rest assured that they will still have trusted source to supply their 3.5 fix.  Paizo is continuing the 3.5 legacy with their Pathfinder RPG rulebook.  Some gamers consider it D&D 3.75.

Perhaps the most intriguing element of the Pathfinder RPG is the fact that Paizo created an open beta.  They are allowing gamers to download the rules (the printed soft-cover sold-out at GenCon ’08), play their evolution of 3.5 and then provide feedback on the Paizo forums.  The hard-cover of the final version is expected to ship in time for GenCon ’09.  It is designed to be backwards compatible with existing 3.5 materials, requiring minimal conversion.  Download the Beta play-test now and check it out.

I attended GenCon over the summer, and one of the things I wished I had made time for was the Pathfinder Society.  The Pathfinder Society is the organized play arm of Paizo.  If anyone has experienced the RPGA, you will be familiar with the structure.  One important difference is that there is an extra layer of intrigue because you can further the agenda of your faction during play (and not all players at the table need to belong to the same faction).  There is a 32 page Guide to Pathfinder Society Organized Play available on Paizo to download for free if you are interested in finding out more.

I am ecstatic that Paizo took the D&D 3.5 torch and continues to support my favorite rules.  I get the gilt and polish that is easily deployed by the major powers while still retaining that warm fuzzy that comes from dealing with a smaller publisher.  I am very impressed with their Pathfinder Adventure Paths and I can’t wait to see what the final copy of the Pathfinder RPG looks like.

Want to learn more about Pathfinder? Read on…

• Atomic Array: Episode 011: Pathfinder
• Nerdage: Pathfinder Adventure Path
• Questing GM: Path Finding Into Pathfinder
• The Tome Show Presents: Second Darkness (Chapter II)
• RPGAggression: Interview with Greg Vaughan

Drop by Paizo.com to pick up your copy today!

Listening to: Nine Inch Nails - The Crow OST- Dead Souls

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This is part two of a three part series on RPG Blogging Tools, if you haven’t read part 1, “Intro, Hosting, & Platform,” I suggest you begin the journey there.

Promote

We have a host, chose our platform, and now we need to get the word out about this fantastic blog with fresh and exciting content for the RPG community.  Where do we start?  I am going to tell you the number one best tip to driving traffic to your site is NEW & ORIGINAL CONTENT.  Role-players (you DID want to be an RPG Blogger, didn’t you) are going to be your primary, if not exclusive, audience.  So you will need to produce content that your target audience, role-players, will find useful, engaging and want to read.  However, you can narrow your (already very narrow) target demographic such as horror role-players, or even go further, like Call of Cthulhu role-players.

I am not going to delve into writing tips at this point, because I want to cover the more technical aspects of how you can help your blog reach its audience.

Blog Aggregates

Many aggregates cater to the blogosphere, and the more places you have your site, the more opportunities potential readers will have of coming across your blog.  Blog aggregates usually require you to create a profile and place a line of script into the header of your site to be able to submit and verify your blog to the aggregate.

As an RPG Blogger, the best aggregate you can belong to is the RPG Bloggers Network.  This is a fantastic aggregate dedicated to bloggers just like you and me.  It was conceived by two of the biggest names in the genre, Dave of Critical-Hits.com and Phil of ChattyDM.net.  This should be one of the first networks you join, and you can find out the details on their application to join page.  The RPGBN also has a Google Group that I highly recommend joining, as it provides a means to discuss upcoming events and talk shop.

RPGLife also has a blog aggregator that you can submit your blog to, but I have personally not taken this opportunity.  However, do let my personal feelings keep you from getting your name out there.  I do recommend you use excerpts for your feeds so that interested readers will have to click through to your site to get the full story (which is done by default on RPGBN).

Some other aggregates of note include Technorati, MyBlogLog, BlogCatalog, and BlogTopSites.  Technorati has a feature called Authority that is calculated by the number of other Technorati listed blogs that link to you.  So an excellent way to increase your Authority is to comment on and collaborate with other listed blogs.

A word of warning about commenting: do not just hit-n-run sites posting half-ass comments to get your name to show up.  You should only comment if you have something of substance to add.  I would hate to think that my suggestions here spawned a new generation of spammers.

Cross-Pollination

Cross-blog readership is essentially the goal of the RPGBN, but I am talking about more direct measures.  Jonathan of The Core Mechanic kicked off the very successful RPG Blog Carnival, which has rolled its way through five blogs at the time of this writing.  The RPG Blog Carnival is hosted by a different blog every month, which announces the topic for participants to blog about.  Participating blogs submit their posts to the hosting blog which collects all the URLs and puts them into one final post.  It is a great method to earn recognition as well as feed your fingers something to type about.

There are also other collaborations between blogs, publishers, and other sites that happen often.  Many are announced on the RPGBN’s Google Group, such as the Cthulhu and Pathfinder mini-carnivals that have been hosted by the Atomic Array.  Trask of LivingDice organized the 2008 Blogger Bloodbath.  Jonathan from The Core Mechanic is just wrapping up nominations for what will no doubt prove to be another successful venture in the Open Game Table: The 2008 Anthology of Roleplaying Game Blogs.  It is too late to submit now, but if it is as good as I think it will be, you can start working on writing excellent posts now to submit for next year’s edition.

You can also contact blogs you like to read and see if they will participate in a link exchange with you.  It is as simple as adding a link to their site in your blogroll and they reciprocate.  I am very hesitant about doing this, because I do not want to make the other blogger feel obligated to do so (or be crushed with rejection).  I have been told I am silly for being so reluctant, but I suspect you should wait until you have a few quality posts under your belt.  I would also look into using a CommentLuv plug-in (if available on your platform) and registering with their site, as rewards other bloggers for posting on your site by placing a line after their comment with a link to their most recent post.

You don’t have to wait for opportunities like these to happen; you can create them.  If you have an idea for a good collaboration, don’t hesitate to pitch it, because I know other bloggers are looking something to write about too.

Social Networks

I include a large number of services and sites in my definition of social networks.  Social networks can be anything from Web 2.0 communities like Facebook or MySpace (ugh!), to forums like RPGSite or EnWorld, and even social bookmarking sites like Digg or StumbleUpon.

How do you go about taking advantage of these fine places and making them work for you?  Well you need to go out and create accounts at all the sites you will want to use.  You can simply post excerpts of your articles to your MySpace blog and Facebook wall.  If you create art, I also recommend creating a DeviantArt account and maintaining a gallery there.  I have also been looking into Twitter for a while, thinking of a unique way I could leverage it.  You can find an exhaustive list of social networks on Wikipedia.

There are literally hundreds of forums dedicated to RPGs out there.  Some local, some dedicated to systems or publishers, and many general communities.  Search for ones that fit your topics, create an account, and put a banner or a simple text link to your blog in your signature.  After that, jump into topics you have something of substance to add to, and begin plugging away.  Again, I caution you to not become a shameless plug machine for your blog, actually contribute useful posts!  A few of the bigger forums include RPGsite, EnWorld, Wizards Community, and RPGnet.

Exploiting StumbleUpon (though I have found I could only submit 11 pages from any domain), Digg, and other social bookmarking sites will probably yield one of the most significant and immediate increases to your traffic; second only to the RPGBN.  At least this has been the case with my experience.  Sign up for accounts and begin bookmarking your articles.  While you’re at it, don’t forget to bookmark other bloggers’ articles you find interesting.  We are a close knit community, and I like to promote my colleagues’ work as well.

SEO

Search Engine Optimization, possibly the darkest art of the World Wide Web.  What exactly is SEO?  Wikipedia defines SEO as “the process of improving the volume and quality of traffic to a web site from search engines via “natural” (“organic” or “algorithmic”) search results. Usually, the earlier a site is presented in the search results, or the higher it “ranks,” the more searchers will visit that site.”

Keywords, content, and juicing your pagerank are common methods of optimizing your site.  Most methods revolve around Google as the primary search engine.  Reducing duplicate content, duplicate title tags, and URL errors are other methods of improving your site.

Bloggers who are conscious of their pagerank need to be aware of how their chosen blog platform produces content pages.  An unmodified WordPress blog will create the same content for archive, category, tag, and search pages that also reside on your main pages.  Google sometimes sees this as a negative thing and will then put your site into “supplementary search results” which is a bad thing, because no one will see it.  Google pagerank is also uses the number of external sites that link to your site in its algorithm, so the more people talk about your blog, the higher your PR will soar.

Google Webmaster Tools can help you identify and fix problems with your site.  You will need to create a sitemap for your blog and place some code in the header to verify that you own it in order to use the tools.  I also used a robots.txt at the root of my site to keep Google’s spiders from seeing duplicate content.

Other than waving a dead chicken around your head three times and throwing salt over your left shoulder, creating relevant content and remembering to give your pages good titles and meta tags should keep your site optimized for search engines.  Don’t forget to submit your site’s URL to be indexed by Google!

Advertising

This is not about placing ads on your blog to make money (I’ll leave that topic to someone who actually makes money with their blog); it is about spending money to drive traffic to your site.  This is an area I have yet to breach, because I am happy with my current readership and its rate of growth.  But there may come a time you have some dollars (or pounds, rupees, or gold) burning a hole in your wallet and you want to pay for some advertisement.

I would first try the free method of banner exchange with friendly sites (something I think I might look into in the near future).  The next step would be to purchase ads on Google (AdWords or Adsense) or other search engines.  Finally, you can find sites that offer paid advertising directly on their pages.  This will require some research on how much traffic they receive, how often your ad is displayed, and how much it costs.

I will note a couple of things about earning money on your site with advertisement.  I am also aware that RPG Now as well as Amazon offer affiliate programs that allow you to earn discounts or credit.  Also, once you have established a significant amount of traffic to your blog, advertisers may even approach you directly.  This has yet to happen with me, and I tend to shy away from cluttering my interface with advertisements, but it would be nice if the blog actually paid for itself.  As with all things of this nature, there is a trade-off.

Measure

Even if your goal is not to topple the likes of Critical-hits.com or ChattyDM.net from the top of the RPG Blogging ranks, you will still want to gauge the success of your site.  And if that is your goal, then you most definitely will want to use some of the following tools to monitor and analyze your traffic.  That and it is just plain cool to know that someone in Siberian Russia is reading your blog.  Здравствуйте!

Your hosting company should have traffic monitoring tools, but I like to compare the stats of several analyses to get a better picture of what is happening.

Google

I’ve already covered Google’s Webmaster Tools as an excellent method to whip your site into shape for search engine optimization, but they also have an excellent traffic examination tool called Google Analytics.  I’ve been working with for about two months now, and I don’t even know all the cool things you can do with it, but you can see where your traffic is coming from and where visitors are spending their time.  You can also check your Google pagerank at prchecker.com (also available in Webmaster Tools).

Aggregates & Other Sites

Many of the blog aggregates have a built-in ranking system which will let you know how well your blog does compared to the other blogs listed on their network. Tony from RPG Centric pointed out BlogPatrol to the RPGBN, which offers a simple tracking system for blogs.

You may also choose to redirect your feed through Feedburner to use their feed analysis.  However, it can sometimes be a pain in the ass to get Feedburner to work properly; I still intermittent delays in posting to my feed reader.  Ed Healy from Atomic Array let the RPGBN know about this video on owning your feed.

Plug-ins

Most of the blogware out there also have built-in stat pages or have stat plug-ins available.  Read the available documentation on your platform or search the plug-in directory (or the web) for what you need.  Some useful stats to look for are your sites traffic (unique visitors, hits, spiders), most visited blog page, most commented post, search engine search phrases, and referring sites.

In the end, the best measurement of how successful your blog is whether or not it makes you happy.  If you find yourself frustrated by chasing impossible numbers, perhaps blogging is not for you.  I believe the numbers will come as long as you provide consistent, enjoyable content.  Remember, you probably won’t be getting paid to do this, so it should be FUN to blog, not a JOB.

Again, I welcome my fellow bloggers to comment on their experiences, preferences, and tips on blog promotion and measurement.  Stay tuned for the final chapter in my three part RPG Blogging Tools series entitled “Writing Tips and Sample Setup.”

Listening to: Danzig - Danzig II: Lucifuge - I’m the One

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I specifically target novices wishing to write about table top role-playing games (RPGs).  I am providing additional content that is only relevant to the RPG Blogosphere, eventhough the majority of the content of this article applies to blogs of any topic.

What is RPG Blogging?

What is RPG blogging, or blogging for that matter?  Well, a blog is defined by Merriam-Webster with the following entry:

blog
Pronunciation: \’blȯg, ‘bläg\
Function: noun
Etymology: short for Weblog
Date: 1999

: A Web site that contains an online personal journal with reflections, comments, and often hyperlinks provided by the writer; also: the contents of such a site.

So blogging is the act of creating an online journal of reflections and commentary.  RPG Blogging is merely focusing those reflections and commentary on the specific subject of Role Playing Games, and in our case, the ones referred to as table top or pen & paper games.

I originally created my blog as a design & development diary for my own custom rank-based d20 rules, Echelon, and my original steampunk/horror setting, The Dead Wastes.  But it grew to be more than that, and it now incorporates product reviews, GM and player advice, points of inspiration, and cross-blog event participation.

Some RPG bloggers write about their experiences at the table, some talk theory, and others run the entire gamut of possibilities.  Some of the more successful bloggers are able to relate their real life experiences into gaming elements.  I have condensed the topics that most RPG Bloggers write about into the following list:

• • Product Review
• • Industry News
• • Game play Logs
• • GM advice
• • Player Advice
• • Homebrew Rules & Settings
• • Game Design/Theory
• • Gamer Culture/Rants

I am sure that I could be missing some huge niche in RPG Blogosphere, but I believe that most, if not all, topics can fall into one or more of the listed categories.  I should note that any topics devoted to a particular system (such as D&D 3.5, World of Darkness, or Warhammer) are actually just a subset of one of these categories.

I think one of the most important aspects of RPG Blogging, is that it seems to be more of a community than most of the other topic-related blogs out there.  We are aware of most of the other bloggers and we like to help each other out.  I keep a small circle of friends, so I am not one to claim everyone I encounter as a friend, but I do believe I have formed a few solid friendships with other bloggers.  This is one of the fringe benefits of being an RPG Blogger.

Hosting

The first decision that must be made by any burgeoning blogger is whether to use a free, but limiting host service or to pony up the money for full featured paid hosting.  The answer to this depends on how dedicated the blogger plans on being to the hobby as well as what kind of budget is available.

Hindsight being 20/20, I wish I had sprung for paid hosting from the beginning.  The reason is that after three and a half months, I had managed to establish regular traffic with a few popular articles.  Once I decided to go with paid hosting, due to the limitations of the free host, I found that it was a pain in the ass to redirect that traffic to the new site.  This and the fact that you cannot hope to update all the links still connecting to your old blog.

WordPress.com offers forwarding for an annual fee, but your new blog must maintain the same post structure, which was something I wanted to change.  Other free hosts may have similar options.

Free

So you have decided that you just want to test the waters or, for whatever reason, you are not ready to pay for hosting.  Some of the major players in free blog hosting include WordPress.com, Google Blogger, Live Journal, and Blog.com.  There are also a couple of social networks for gamers, EnWorld and RPGLife, that provide blogging tools (most likely trying to fill the vacuum left by the now defunct Gleemax).

Or if you are thinking about using the Wiki approach, Wikidot, Wetpaint, and WikiSpaces are popular free hosts.  But for the RPG Blogger, I would also check out Obsidian Portal and Campaign Wiki which are both geared towards the organization of campaigns, but might prove useful as a blogging tool.

It is important to note that if you use a free host, you may have to pay a fee to modify the theme, CSS, and HTML, or not be able to change them at all.  This will mean that it will prevent you from joining networks that require you to insert scripts into your site as well as keep you from using external traffic analyzers.

Self

Self hosting is a mixed bag.  The caveats of running your own web server from your home outweigh the benefits in my professional opinion.  First you will need to have an always on broadband connection, preferably something with some significant upstream speed.  And, you will need to ensure that you have a static IP Address.  Even if you have a cable connection, your IP may still be dynamic.

Most average machines will cost you about 1 USD a day (at average US rates) if you keep it on 24 hours a day, seven days a week.  Decent paid hosting will probably charge a fraction of this cost, less than 0.20 USD a day (using a 6 USD/mo plan).

Installation, maintenance, and security will all be additional obstacles to consider when looking to self host.  Hosts already have web server software installed (Apache, IIS, etc.) and most will pre-install or have one-click installation of popular software.  And if a hard drive fails, the host most likely will have it replaced and your site back up in minutes.

However, if you already have a machine you run constantly, have a decent internet connection, savvy with configuring routers, and familiar with installing web servers and software then by all means self host.  It will provide the greatest amount of control, but for what little extra it provides, I do not think it is worth it.

Windows users should look at WAMP (for the web serving essentials), DynDNS (for free DNS service and a very good dynamic DNS update client for not-static IPs), and WordPress.org (to download the actual blogging software).  Linux users probably already know how to do this, and since there are so many distros out there, I’m not going to delve any further.  Oh, and before I forget, Macs should already have a shiny icon sitting in the dashboard that should one-click start everything you need, if you believe their ads.

Paid

If you have decided to take the plunge and go full bore on this blogging thing, congratulations.  Paid hosting can be acquired fairly cheaply, depending on what features you need. Some features to keep in mind when choosing a host are costs, domain names, bandwidth allotment, databases, scripting languages, methods of access, drive space, hardware, and supported software.

The first thing you will need when going to paid hosting is a domain name, preferably something unique but memorable.  Many hosting plans offer free domain registration, so picking out the domain name is part of setting up your account with them.  If you need to obtain a domain name from another service, I recommend GoDaddy.com.  It may also be important for future developments if your host provides multiple domains and/or sub-domains.  These can be handy for unrelated and related side projects you might want to develop.

While not so important for blogs when just beginning, the amount of bandwidth allowed for your site can be important.  When your blog takes off and becomes popular, you do not want to hit a bandwidth ceiling.  But if you are mostly serving text and small images, 100 GBs of bandwidth is probably more than sufficient.

To run blogging software, you will need a database, as most blogs produce web pages dynamically by using template pages and inserting the necessary content on the fly.  All of the popular software works with MySQL, which is usually provided in even the most basic hosting plans.  Other databases of note include MS SQL Server and Oracle.  Be sure to reference your chosen blog software to see which database (and version) it requires.

The other tools blogging software needs to operate are scripting languages.  The most popular language I see used is PHP, but some others include Python, Perl, and Ruby.  Again, refer to your chosen blog software to see what it is written in and make sure the correct version of the scripting language is installed on your host.

You will probably want to upload themes, plug-ins, and other resources (possibly the blogging software itself) to your site at some point, so it will be important to note what services the host provides for accessing your site.  I prefer SSH (Secure Shell) and FTP and I recommend WinSCP or FireFTP for FTP only file transfers.  You will also want to utilize FTP to backup your site. DO NOT depend on the host for timely and accurate backups.  Save early, save often.

Make sure you will have enough space available to build your blog empire.  It will need space for the software install, the database where all hour content will be held, additional themes and plug-ins, and whatever else you need to serve.  I would not settle for anything less than 10 GB because many plans offer unlimited space!

See what kind of hardware the server has tucked under the hood.  It will not do any good to have unlimited everything if it takes five minutes for simple pages to load.  If the specs are not listed, try other sites that use the same host and see how fast or slow those sites are.  I doubt this will be a major factor, but it is something to pay attention to.

See if the host supports your chosen software by installing it for you or with simple “one-click” installs.  Perhaps it has some other software you think you could take advantage of, such as Content Management Software (Joomla, Mambo, or DotNetNuke), forums (phpBB, vBulletin, or Invision), and wikis (MediaWiki, TikiWiki, or PhpWiki).

I currently use WebHostForASP.net for my hosting needs.  It is a Windows based host (fairly rare) because I actually develop .NET programs for a living and I want to host some examples of my work in the future.  This will require the use of MS SQL Server and ASP.NET 3.5 which can only be had on a Windows platform.

However, unless you have some exotic requirements like me, the following web hosting companies come highly recommended:

• HostMonster
• BlueHost
• InMotion Hosting
• HostGator
• Omnis Network
• WebHosting Pad

Each of these hosts provides web hosting for less than 7 USD and most provide free domain name registration.

Platform

A platform is a software architecture that applications run on.  I am liberal in what I consider a “platform.”  I usually chain all requisite software starting with the Operating System to the final application.  Some examples include Windows → II6 → MS SQL → .NET 2.0 → Visual Basic → DotNetNuke or Linux → Apache → MySQL → PHP → WordPress.  No doubt the more programming savvy of you will recognize the LAMP platform.

I highly recommend you take a few platforms for a test drive before you commit to any one solution.  I would also ask other bloggers what they use, how their experience has been, and if they have any tips.  I cannot speak for everyone on the RPG Bloggers Network, but I am sure most of them would be more than happy to share their thoughts on the matter.  I personally recommend LAMP and WordPress.

Blog Software

There are many blogging applications at the burgeoning blogger’s disposal, but I am presenting the few that are 1) free, 2) open source, 3) has an active user base, and 4) easy to use.  These are software that I highly recommend and have seen in service; however, feel free to check out additional software at WeblogMatrix.org.

WordPress

While I do not have any facts or figures, WordPress may be the most popular blogging software as of this writing.  WordPress is well documented and has a wealth of themes, plug-ins, and tutorials on modification available.  It also conforms to XHTML 1.0 Strict and CSS standards out of the box.  It is built with PHP, uses the MySQL database, and is licensed under GPL.  WordPress is currently on version 2.6.5 and 2.7 is nearing completion.

b2Evolution

If WordPress is the official successor of b2, one of the first full featured blogware, then b2Evolution is WordPress’s step-brother.  No doubt due to their shared roots, b2Evolution shares many features with its sibling, WordPress, such as being standards compliant, being written in PHP , using MySQL, and licensed under GPL.  Of particular note, b2Evolution supports hosting multiple blogs.

Textpattern

Textpattern is another recommended blogging tool, and it also produces standards compliant code.  If you have not noticed yet, I prefer standards compliant software, because as a professional programmer, I despise sloppy code.  Textpattern is also built using the winning combination of PHP, MySQL, and GPL.

Wiki Software

From a programmer’s viewpoint, there is not much difference between Wikis and blogware.  They both use a scripting language married to a database to produce dynamic web pages.  This is usually accomplished using the tried and true platform of PHP and MySQL and being released under GPL.  I am presenting what I consider the three best Wiki applications, but you can compare more at WikiMatrix.org.

TikiWiki

TikiWiki is a feature rich content management system that supports the following features: wikis, blogs, forums, RSS syndication, WYSIWYG editing, calendars and events, database tracking system, file and image galleries, user and group management, surveys, quizzes, and polls, and includes an activity-based workflow engine.  It is written in PHP and uses a database abstraction called ADOdb for use with many databases (including MySQL).  TikiWIki also incorporates Smarty, a template/presentation engine to facilitate customization.  It is released under LGPL.

MediaWiki

MediaWiki is the magic behind the ever popular Wikipedia, the online user-editable encyclopedia.  It is very well documented and has plenty of resources available to help a user customize it to their satisfaction.  MediaWiki, just as the blogware mentioned before, is built using PHP and MySQL and is released under the GPL.

PhpWiki

PhpWiki is a clone of the original WikiWikiWeb and is one of the more mature Wiki architectures.  All of it was born from the need for quick and easy collaboration.  Imagine a world where you have to program all your pages by hand with HTML, upload them to the server, and then set their permissions.  Thank to the people behind software like PhpWiki, we can edit from anywhere we have a browser!

This concludes part one of three in my series on RPG Blogging Tools.  Look for the next part entitled “Promotion & Measurment.”  I welcome my fellow bloggers to share their experiences, preferences, and tips on choosing a host and platform.

Listening to: Cold - Cold – Go Away

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Most of these converted carols appear in the H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society Solstice Carol Songbook which you can find along with actual albums at CthulhuLives.  I found them sitting on the backwaters of Duke University a very long time ago and I was surprised to still see them surviving there, no doubt driving the servers insane.

The Carol of the Old Ones

Lyrics by A.H. Leman to the tune of Carol of the Bells by M. Leontovich.

Look to the sky way up on high
There in the nigh stars now are right
Eons have passed now then at last
Whence They were penned They will descend

They will retun mankind will learn
New kinds of fear once They are here
As They reclaim all in Their name
Watch only can powerless man

Ignorant fools mankind now rules
Where They ruled then it’s Theirs again
Madness will reign terror and pain
Woes without ry scary scary scary Solstice
Very very very scary Solstice

Up from the sea from underground
Down from the sky They’re all around
They will retun mankind will learn
New kinds of fear when They are here

They will return

(followed by a glorious arrangement of four part harmonies.)

Rudolph the Red Nosed Cultist

Rudolph the Red Nosed Cultist
had a few insanities
and if you ever saw him
he’ll be chanting with great glee
Cthulhu fthagn Ia – aa
He is sleeping ‘neath the foam
as he stared out the window
through the bars where he made his home
Then one foggy moon streaked eve
Cthulhu came to say
Rudolph with your mind so brave
won’t you be my eternal slave
then all the other cultists
join Rudolph the mighty high priest
has joined Cthulhu in his lair.

Over the River and through the Woods

Over the River and through the Woods
To the Plateau of Leng we go
We hope that someday
we can finally say
that we saw the god on the slooo ope

Over the River and through the Woods
To Kadath so cold we go
Nightgaunts pull the sleigh
to hurry their way
past the Shantaks O, we hooo ope

Over the River and through the Woods
I fear that we’ve gone too far
the Gods don’t condone
a mortal at home
farewell those who listened this far……

O Come All Ye Deep Ones

Lyrics by A.H. Leman to the tune of “O Come All Ye Faithful” by John Reading.

O come all ye Deep Ones,
Mi-Go, Ghouls and Nightgaunhts;
Come foul Shub Niggurath and all Ancient Ones.
Come Great Cthulhom the ocean.

CHORUS
O come, let us abhor them,
O come, let us abhor them,
O come, let us abhor them,
Scream, run and hide.

Their old dominion
Mankind now rules blithely,
Stars turning overhead to bring forth his doom.
They will return here, greedy and malevolent.
CHORUS

Great Old Ones Are Coming to Town

You’d better watch out; you better go hide.
And Elder Sign’s needed for this Yuletide
Great Old Ones are comin to town.nd shaking it twice.
They’re going to hit you, naughty or nice.
Great Old Ones are coming to town.

They’re bringing ugly Shuggoths,
And horrid Deep Ones too,
Shub Niggurath is waking up
And so is Cthulhu

So you better watch out, you’d better go ‘way,
Before the big guy comes up from R’lyeh.
Great Old Ones are coming to town.

God Rest Ye Scary Great Old Ones

God Rest Ye Scary Great Old Ones
God rest ye scary great old ones;
Let everything dismay.
Remember Great Cthulhu shall rise up from R’lyeh
To kill us all with tentacles
If we should go his way.

CHORUS
O tidings of madness and woe, madness and woe
O tidings of madness and woe!

In Yuggoth an din Aldebraan
The Great Old Ones were spawned
Imprisoned by the Elder Gods to wait for eons,
Enticing humans to release them,
CHORUS
An arab said: “That is not dead
Which can eternal lie,
And with Strange Eons even death may die.”
The Great Old Ones will rule once more
And all will be destroyed.
CHORUS

The Solstice Song

Victims roasting on an open fire,
Deep Ones ripping off your nose,
Mindless chanting ’round the funeral pyre
And folks strung up by their toes.
Ev’rybody knows how festive open wounds can be;
You’ll go crazy at the sight.
Tiny tots with their eyeballs aglow
Will find it hard to sleep tonight.
They know Cthulhu’s on his way;
The beast is rising from the depths of dark R’lyeh.
And ev’ry mother’s child is gonna cry
And beg for mercy and pray quickly to die.
And so I’m offering this simple phrase
To kids from one to ninety two;
Although its been said many times, many ways,
“Barra na zu absu.”

H.P. the Writer

To the tune of Frosty the Snowman

H.P. the Writer
Wasn’t happy so we’re told
With his horrid health
and his lack of wealth
he wrote tales to make blood cold

H.P. the Writer
Got an idea in his head
We weren’t meant to know
of the things below
He would make up more instead

There must have been a reason
for the strange names that he chose
When you first read of Cthulhu
You couldn’t pronounce it, we all know

H.P. the Writer
Shuffled off this mortal coil
Now in Providence
he’s behind a fence,
buried underneath the soil

Azathoth

To the tune of Jingle Bells

Azathoth
Azathoth
Azathoth, the King
Center of the Universe,
Insanity he brings, Hey!

Azathoth
Azathoth
Azathoth, the King
Center of the Universe
Insanity he brings

Writhing round the place
Insane pipers pipe
Takes up lots of space
The stars are getting ripe

R’Lyeh soon may rise
Nyarlathotep plots
Earth will be the prize
We’ll all lose our spots, Ohhh

Azathoth
Azathoth
Azathoth, the King
Center of the Universe
IN – SANITY HEEEE BRIIIIIIIINGS!!!!!!!!!

Hark! the Nameless Cultists Sing

By James Westbrooks. To the tune of “Hark the Herald Angels Sing”:

Hark! the nameless cultists sing, “Glory to our dreaming King,
Deep beneath the ocean waves, dreaming in his wat’ry grave.
Soon the stars will all be right, usher in eternal night!
When Cthulhu comes to reign, things here ’bouts won’t be the same!”
Hark! the namesless cultists sing, “Glory to our dreaming King!”

Cthulhu whose name strikes fear, speaks to those whose souls can hear:
Late at night an artist dreams, wakes up with an awful scream.
Then in clay his visions mold, pretty outre so I’m told.
Visions of a scene from Hell, near impossible to sell.
Hark! the nameless cultists sing, “Glory to our dreaming King!”

Hark! the Great One’s Priestly Son, Hail or you will be undone.
Death and pain to most he brings, Ris’n with darkness in His wings.
Waked at last no more to lie, proof that death itself may die,
Born to crush the human race, wipe them out and leave no trace.
Hark! the nameless cultists sing, “Glory to our dreaming King!”

A Lovecraft Christmas

by Paul M. Lemieux, copyright 1989. To the tune of “’Twas the Night Before Christmas”:

Twas the night before Yuletide and all through the hole
Not a creature was stirring, not even a Dhole
Aldebaren hung at the right place at nine
In the hopes that Great Cthulhu would come out this time

The Fungi from Yuggoth, all snug in their caves
Were plotting to turn all the people to slaves
The Deep Ones in Rlyeh, the Ghouls in their graves
Were dancing and singing and acting depraved

When what do my wondering eyes should appear
But a mouldering sleigh and eight corpselike reindeer
With a horrible driver so leprous and reeking
I knew right away that my fear was unspeaking

The reindeer were gross, as they flew up from hell
And It hoarsely whispered and chanted a spell
Ia Shub Niggurath! Cthulhu ftagn!
Nyarlathotep! I summon you on!

As decomposed flesh before the charnel stench rise
And meet with the open air polluting the skies
Up to the housetop the horror it rose
And the gangrenous odors assailed my nose

And then in a slopping noise heard on the roof
The lumbering clomping of octopoid hoofs
As I drew in my head and was turning around
The horror lurched into my room with a bound

Its eyes how they pulsate
So bulbous and gory
This blasphemous creature
So noxious and hoary

I was frozen by fear, my feet woudn’t run
I threw up my cookies, this wasn’t much fun
It whispered my name and said “You come with I”
I tried to refuse and it said “Then you die.”

It came at my throat with its grim claws extended
But a miracle saved its victim intended
I had three Elder Signs in a slot in the floor
It screamed with a fiendish sound and went out the door

It sprang to its sleigh, and its team gave a surge
And away they all flew to the sound of a dirge
I heard it exclaim as it flew out of sight
“You’re lucky this time, for the stars weren’t right.”

I Saw Mommy Kissing Yog-Shothoth

Listening to: Cradle of Filth - Midian – Cthulhu Dawn

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